Red

Red. The color she saw. The color she thought. The color she felt.
Anger boiled at the bottom of her soul, spoiling upwards and outwards through the core of her body to the tip of her fingers.
Red.
The color of her fingers as she dipped her hands into the bucket of paint, cupping its contents in her hands and thrashing it outwards onto the canvas before her.
With each dip her arms stung with increasing pain until her fingers became numb.
Red. The color that became the surroundings when she had had enough, gripped the paint can in her palms and through its entirety.
Crashing through the canvas. Sprawling onto the floor. A sob.
Red. The color smeared onto her face as she wiped a tear. The color she watched wash down the drain.
The color flowing out her veins.

Why Yes, That is MY Decision

There are three things that REALLY get on my nerves.

  1. Telling me/asking me to do something as I am literally just about to do that exact thing.
  2. Deciding that, well I did A thing so therefore you HAVE to do B. And…
  3. Yelling at me for things I have no control over.

And I don’t mean like that time spent in working retail where customers yell at you for because the one item they want (that’s also on sale) isn’t in stock or No, I can’t call another location to see if they have those clearance price jeans in another size. Those times do suck but nothing seems worse then being in lower management and being yelled at by another manager in another department.

I am probably like most other younger, newer, entry level managers who feel they are trying to make the world a better place by making the work environment a litttllee bit better for the employees and make the office more efficient overall. So while I respect this other manager in a completely different department for recognizing something that was wrong that I had been pushing to get fixed since I started (almost and a manager ago), yelling at me about it after being short staffed and being nearly an hour into overtime IS NOT OKAY! 

Honestly its more than not okay, its really despicable. The manager who yelled at me had zero place to do it. The problems that exist in his department far outweigh the problems in mine. In fact, the problems in his department cause my department to run inefficiently! There is zero communication between staff and high turnover of employees causing a lot of basic courtesies to be missed with my department. And any setbacks my department suffers can’t cause any setbacks in getting anything done. Basically, less people= same work output regardless. This causes a lot of stress on the supervisors and myself.

While this manager had me on the phone, calling from the opposite side of the building, all I really wanted to say was:

Yes. I agree this sucks and has become a problem. Sadly it isn’t my problem because not only is it NOT my responsibility or place to do the work of my superiors, I can’t magically tell my manager that He needs to get his shit together and stop waiting for his boss to give him permission to do his jobs. Because that is the world we live in: The people who have no right to be managers, end up as managers. I’ve done all that I can. I’m not going to get fired because you’re unhappy.

But of course, all I actually could do was say: Yes, I know it’s a problem. Yes, I’ve kept carefully detailed documents of everything you’re saying. I can help but I need permission first. Then go home and enjoy a nice cold beer before a great few days off work.